hey love

Oh. his tiny head is four times smaller than mine: and it's real warm and soft. Nice. ;)
Being a proud "ah mai" (aunty in Hainanese, our dialect) of Cayden, i've learnt a little about love.


-When i love you, it's not about me; It's about you.-

I remember when Cayden was first borned and we went to the hospital so excitedly. For nine months, i'd watched this THING grow and grow--but only in the form of my sister's tummy size--til God had made every part of his body and he was ready for all the world to see him. I could hardly wait to see him and prior to the set date of his delivery, i couldn't even sleep properly. i knew i would have free access to him, cuz he was the son of my beloved sister, who loved me and would trust him in my hands.

Yet on the first day that i saw him, i barely touched him. Don't mistaken my meaning; he's a darling. He melted my heart the moment i saw him, more so because i know how much his mother went through for him to finally emerge, and i love his mother. I have to admit i didn't love cayden til i saw him in full form. Haha, how honest.

But really, i kept my hands away from him though i would love so much to cuddle him because i knew he was still very fragile and i didn't want to discomfort him or spread any germs to him unknowingly. I wouldn't want him to suffer. it was weird, seeing my brother n relatives all rushing to want to carry him though he really looked more comfortable sleeping and resting in his cot. i wondered why i didn't fight to have him. though i do love him.

but of course, i've had my share of carrying him since then.
but these days, the same principle applies.
I could travel 1hour from yew tee to kembangan, walk that long road infested with crows that have no fear of humans into my sister's place, just to see cayden and hope to play with him. But today when i arrived and he was sleepy, i told my sister it's okay not to have him awake to play with, cuz what he'd really be happier doing would be to sleep. and i would love for cayden to be happy.

and then, isn't that a glimpse of what real love is? cause when u really love, you just need the person to be happy. it's a high order; and i'm glad having cayden around has shown me a hint of this calling. well, it's one thing to know and another to do....
I'll be learning.

Day 1. Moderate. Can't really tell effects.